I really like "If you really knew me...". I think it sends a positive message to teenagers and adults alike. When you get a group of people together and force them to tell secrets it exposes how your problems really aren't so unique. I have decided to share some of my if you really knew me's.
If you really knew me...you would know that I equally love and hate my brother. I love him because he is an amazing person. He will be there at the drop of a hat for you. If he needed me I would be there for him in a second. I hate him because he got away. He was able to leave right before everything got really bad between our parents. He never had to hear the fights like I did. He never had to hear the crying. He never had to be Mom's sounding board. Never. I hate him for that. I hate that he was able to leave and met someone. I hate that he has a life completely removed from that family and that his life isn't complicated by the shit I saw and heard.
If you really knew me...you would know that I have a heard time being me. I constantly feel as if I am being judged. I know that I am my biggest downfall but I will turn it around so that I feel like it is others that brought me down. I always feel as if I need to be more than I am. That feeling makes it really hard to figure out who I really am. I know that no one else expects me to be different but whenever I am around a group of friends I feel like I am constantly trying to tell a funnier story than what I told 5 minutes before. I feel like I need to be more caring or less caring or I need to be meaner or nicer. I have a constant inner-dialogue going in my head and it changes literally from minute to minute.
If you really knew me...you would know that I am terrified of failing at life. I set a course for myself and I am so afraid of going off that track. Everything I do is never good enough for me. If I don't do well on an exam, no matter if I truly studied all week for it, I will tell myself how stupid I am. i will berate myself until I crawl into bed and go to sleep just so I don't have to hear myself anymore. That has happened a lot lately.
If you really knew me...you would know that I don't think I will ever reach the goals I have set for myself. I can be on the dean's list until the day I graduate, have the career I dream of, the husband that can't be real, the kids that REALLY are perfect, the home in the magazines, and I will never feel as if I reached my goal. Because I know, deep down, I am not good enough and those things will never be in my reach.
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