Dear University of South Alabama,

I have figured you out. You have run the numbers and found that you can pay for all the construction on campus by sending out bogus emails saying that Parking Services will be out of commission for the week due to a computer upgrade. By sending this email you have tricked thousands of summer term students into parking in unauthorized zones where you then send a meter maid around to place those annoying yellow packets on our windshields.

While we are in those endless summer classes, taking in a fifteen week course load in a compressed nine week time, you guys are out and about, hiding behind trees, waiting for us to go inside. Once the door closes you pounce and the rest is history.

Well, since I have figured you out you no longer bother me. Pounce away. I have decided to start collecting those offensively colored packets and I will eventually figure out a creatively chic thing to do with them. And honestly, you can keep my diploma. I don't care at this point. All I ask is that you place my name somewhere in the stone at one of the many new entrance portals that are currently making getting on to campus so fucking hard.

Sincerely,
Jess


P.S. My collection so far. Nice, right?