Why is it life works out the way you want it about fifteen minutes after you sign the new lease?
Class starts Tuesday. I'm ready. Stressed but ready. I can only take it one day at a time and since Tuesday hasn't come yet, I guess the one day at a time doesn't start yet either.
I wish I could be a better friend. I wish that I could go back to the time before. When it was still simple. When I would give a piece of advise and it would be taken into consideration and possibly used. Instead, I get sporadic phone calls and texts messages that have slowly dwindled off. I feel as if I am bothering those few friends that I have left. If I send a message it might be answered but most likely not.
Do you know how much that hurts?
I wish that I could be blase about things. Let stuff roll of my shoulders like everyone else does. I wish when I send a text asking someone if they saw a report or whatever they would respond to me.
I realize that since I am a single college student I should have more of a life but I don't. That doesn't mean that I'm not busy. It means that I'm not busy doing the same things that my non-single friends are doing. I'm tired of excuses of I can't talk know because of work, kids, school, or whatever. I'm tired of seeing people playing on twitter or facebook when I have tried to get in touch with them. Basically, I'm tired of being blown off. I'm tired of working at a friendship with out the other person pitching in.
So, please excuse me while I go read or ride my bike or go to the library or go to class or go to work. Please excuse my while I sit at home doing absolutely nothing. Please excuse my while I just don't give a fuck about you or your life anymore.
So, if you call or text me in the next few weeks and I don't respond, I hope that you feel just a little bit of the hurt I have felt in the past year and half. I hope that maybe you wonder what you did to make me not want to talk to you. I hope that you wonder what I'm doing.
Maybe then you will try and be a better friend.
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