Lately I've been a real bitch. I've been blaming it on the whole "original sin" that Eve committed but really I can't use that excuse because I really don't believe in the Adam and Eve concept because come on, the idea that human kind as we know it was started by this guy that God created out of dust and a woman that was created from the guys rib bone. I mean really. How is that more believable than the scientific proof of evolution. But I'm off topic. Bitchiness.
I spent some time today thinking about the situation. Everything pisses me off lately. I'm pissed because I have to wake up. Pissed because I have to go to class. Pissed because I have to take an exam. Pissed because I have to do homework. Pissed because the cat wants food. Pissed because Flight Risk gets to see Half Boyfriend every day and I don't get to see my guy ever. Pissed because people don't answer my phone call. Pissed because people do answer my phone call. Pissed because I have to clean. Pissed because I have work. Pissed because I have to talk to people. Pissed because I go a day with out talking to people. Pissed because I have to deal with family. Pissed because I have to move. Pissed because I live in a crappy apartment complex. Pissed because I have to make food. Pissed because I have to pay bills. And the list goes on and on and on.
I wake up and 6 out of the 7 days of the week I'm angry as soon as I open my eyes. I have a really bad attitude from the moment my alarm goes off until my brain finally shuts down at the end of the day. I've always been a solitary person which has never bothered me before but when you have a roommate it makes it difficult to not talk to someone that you live with. I'm making Flight Risk super paranoid that she has pissed me off because some days I choose not to allow my bad attitude to effect others so I don't talk.
I don't know how to work through my frustration without being sarcastic or rude or passive aggressive. I'm currently really upset with Incubator Girl and because of that I'm being really rude to Daddy Amazing and to a lesser extent to Dream Crusher. I don't know how to change that right now. The reasons for me being upset with her are silly really. A clash of opinions that doesn't matter at the end of the day. But because I hate confrontation I choose to be pissed off and dwell on the snide comments that she makes instead of being the big girl that I am and calling her out on her attitude. I need to work on this because otherwise I don't get anywhere in the whole not being pissed off situation. And I definitely need to work on not taking my frustration out on the wrong person because that really doesn't accomplish anything.
I'm going to end this by giving a list of things I'm thankful for. Because there is so much in my life that I don't deserve and that I don't give appreciation for. So, here goes: my mom because she does more than she needs to do for all of her children and grandchildren. My step-dad because he also does more than he needs to do for his children and grandchildren. Flight Risk because she deals with my shitty attitude and always goes to get frozen yogurt or cupcakes with me. Half Boyfriend because he takes out the trash without having to be asked. Daisy because she does stupid crazy shit all the time. Shop-a-holic because she makes me laugh and she is letting Flight Risk and I move into her house, where I get a giant bedroom and an even more giant bathroom all to myself. Daddy Amazing because he can be cool at times. Incubator Girl because she is incubating my nephew. (Right now that's all I can be thankful for with her. I'll work on it.) Scholastically Confused because she sends me really fucked up text pictures and we now have a secret text pictogram language. Tweeker who found Jesus because so far she has cleaned her life up and is making a really great effort at being a much better person, daughter, mom, and sister than she ever has in the past. And because she was accepted to college this past week. My grandparents because they are old and awesome. No Show No Call because he makes me laugh when I'm not irritated with him. New Orleans guy because no matter what mood I'm in he will listen to everything I have to say and he always knows the exact right thing to say to make me feel better not only about the situation but about myself also. And he likes my boobs.
I can be nice and I can be in a good mood. I swear.
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