Fuck

Shadowed a PA yesterday at one of the local hospitals. It was fun, fast-paced, exciting. All the things that I thought it would be.

Now I want to be a PA and not a medical anthropologist.

I wish someone could make this decision for me.

Sigh

I hate when everything is falling into place but there is one hang up.

I'm struggling with a class right now. I don't want to be in the class. I just want to be done with it, make a passing grade, and forget all that it taught me.

The class has made me disappointed in myself. It's making me depressed.

Jack isn't happy with me. I spend more time studying than anything else. I can't seem to manage my time to include every day life. I feel like I'm neglecting everyone and those that I do talk to, I feel like all I do is complain and cry about my life as if they have nothing going on.

I want to get my masters and ph.d in medical anthropology. I don't want to go to PA school at all. I'm tired of hearing my mother say just go to nursing school as if it's a simple fix that will make me happy. I'm tired of hearing others tell me how my life should go when it comes to my career path. I want to be happy once I finish my education. I don't want to spend the next few years struggling to graduate with a degree in a field that will make me hate my days.

I just want to apply to Anthropology master programs, move closer to N.O.G., and come home from school/work and play with my dog. Is that really too much to ask for?

Because I don't have a shit ton of stuff to do.

• It's the fourth week of school and the first round of exams are happening. 
• Jack is not happy with study time. 
• I hate having to be at work at 8 am. 
• My boss is driving me crazy.
• Shop-a-holic is putting the house up for sale.
• Graduation happens next semester.
• I can't find anyone that needs help with research for shit.
• I start shadowing a PA in cardiology next week.
• I'm going to LA in October.
• I'm seeing my family this weekend.
• Coach! turns a year old in October.
• BONES starts back next week.
• I think I have seasonal affective disorder.
• I actually have a senior project topic that I'm super interested in.
• I'm beyond broke.
• I'm sick of politics.
• I'm sick of other peoples opinion.
• I kick ass at scramble with friends and I consider it my only accomplishment some days.
• I cheat like shit at words with friends with certain people and I have no guilty conscious about it at all.
• I'm retaking the GRE this Thursday.
• I'm applying for graduate schools this month.
• I still can't decide if I want to be a PA or a medical anthropologist.
• I am not freaking out about my age and my non-married status like all of my facebook friends that are my age and single are doing.

I think that is pretty much all that is going on right now. It will change next week and the week after. But it feels good just getting it out there for the moment.